Thursday, May 23, 2013

feet in italy, heart in oklahoma

 As a military spouse you know the feeling of homesick.  
It's a common feeling that you often recognize 
take a deep breath 
swallow the pain 
and continue with your day.
this a different feeling. 
This week
 my home state was devastate by a tornado. 
This  is a feeling of loss, 
and sadness.
 It's a pain that cannot be swallowed. 
In a few short days I will be coming home 
I fear seeing the devastation 
feeling the heartbreak of a state. 
  Places that once held memories are now simply a pile of rubble. 
Many of my friends lost their homes,
 lost years of memories, 
and hard work. 
I have friends that were at work and lost their vehicles.
 All these are material possessions 
even material possessions hold memories and heart felt value.  
My heart aches for the children in the elementary schools
the ones who lost their home. 
Their simple innocent minds 
are forced to understand this complex thing we call Mother Nature 
that even adults sometimes can't fathom.
I lift you up oklahoma in prayer and thought.  
My hands feel tied, my heart is breaking, and I want to be with you.   
I will pray for those who have lost whether it be life or material possessions.
 I will pray for the children
 that they find peace and consistency in the chaos. 
 For the parents 
who area forced to explain this devastation to the children, 
I pray you God gives you wisdom and words to heal your child's heart.
 For the rescue workers, the volunteers, the healthcare workers, 
I pray your hands work swiftly 
that you know the value of your deeds.  
Oklahoma I pray for you. 
This morning my husband summed it up perfectly, "Ok, tornado you messed with Oklahoma.  
But we've been here before. 
we've rebuilt. 
we are pretty resilient" 
my feet are in italy
but my heart is in

Sunday, May 12, 2013

a mother's day letter to my daughter

my sweet emerson,
it is my second mother's day as your mother
the first full year i have been your mother
to me
it's almost like my first mother's day
this year has flown by
not a day goes by that
 i don't wish i could pause time
live the day
over and over
mother's day is to celebrate mother's
my sweet daughter
it is because of you
i am the mother i am
every day
i try harder and harder
to be the mother you deserve
you have such a pure heart
loving all
laughing often
enjoying life
i try every day 
to have your heart
in the trying moments
when my nicely cleaned floor
quickly filled with toys
i remind myself
that this too shall pass
i will desire a floor filled with toys again
when you pull at my leg
saying so sweetly 
i burn the dinner 
because i am holding you
i do not mind
for one day 
i will cook a gourmet dinner
look down 
and you will not be there
my television shows 
have now given way
to sesame street
bubble guppies
my books
are gathering dust
i read 
"goodnight moon"
"barnyard dance"
your favorite
"polar bear polar bear what do you hear" 
i know that in time
i will read my books again
wish for a reason to dust off yours
one day 
my sweet daughter
not so far away
i will not hold you
i will not nurse you
i will not be your source of comfort
the one who you babble all your new exciting news to
while i will cherish
how my role 
as your mother 
has evolved
i wish to hit pause
to live in the moment
to say 
thank you 
for letting me be your mommy
you are the best mothers day gift
i could ever have 
i love you much